Shitty Eulogy
Cameron was this kid on my water polo team. He was a light. Really. I know people say that when someone dies, but Cameron was one of those people who made everyones lives a little better for knowing him. He made me laugh, he was smart, he was kind. He was a good person. He was starting his first day of classes today. He fell out his dorm room window and now he’s dead. I only knew him for two years, and only through water polo, but. I don’t know. It hurts to think he is the first of my friends to die. He deserved better. Why is he dead? Was he drunk and leaned against the screen? It’s not fair. That shouldn’t kill someone. He should be alive. I’m sorry I’m trying to process this and throw it out onto the internet at the same time. When I put something on here it makes it more real somehow, when I let other people see it. It makes it tangible in a way that straight journalling doesn’t. Is this my way of remembering him, storing him in this piece? He had blond hair, he smiled a lot, he was witty in a way that made you realize he was compassionate. He played the trumpet. All I have are these three tear drops. Does this even matter, the encoding of the memory? Or do my feelings of pain at his loss pale so much in comparison to people closer to him that I should simply offer my support and shut the fuck up. I want to respect him, acknowledge his death hurts, be available to those who could use my support, and not be a sappy jackass. Cameron Bruce deserved some of the best things in life, and I’m sad he didn’t get to have them. He won’t get to grow up, find something he loves, find someone he loves, experience loss, maybe have kids-extensions of himself, continuations of his love, and he won’t get to grow old and begin to understand life. Cameron Bruce shouldn’t have fallen out of a fucking window at the age of 18. He was a light.
